Lying Love
by Pharies
Summary: Am I lying to you when I say that I love you? Can you tell I might be in love with a different boy and that's why you're slowing pulling from me? Maybe it's not you I'm lying to, but to myself in the hopes that if I say it enough times it will be true. Because Maya is conflicted. Snippets of how I think things would go if her and Miles actually worked things out, only they didn't.


Disclaim.

1.

"I love you, Maya." Miles smiled down at his girlfriend. She leaned up to kiss him chastely before she responded telling him the same. They were the perfect couple. He was just the right height taller than she was. When he looked at her, any passerby could tell he adored her. And anyone that didn't know Maya thought that everything was fine in their world. That they were going to end up being high school sweethearts, together through college maybe.

But Maya knew better. She knew that things were slowly falling apart as she tried desperately to keep them together. She would lay in bed questioning if her love for him was real. If it was, she wouldn't question it, she knew. And yet she continued to be with Miles. She continued to tell him that she loved him.

2.

Zig had moved in. Miles still didn't know and Maya felt just a little mean for keeping this from him. At the same time though she relished in the fact that she could keep something from him. She knew that he wouldn't actually _leave_ her, but he would definitely not be happy.

Cam had left her. Zig had technically left her. She couldn't handle Miles leaving her too. She just couldn't. So she plastered on a smile, told him she loved him, and ignored the clenching of her stomach when she realized she was being so selfish.

Zig hadn't actually left her and Miles deserved better than she could offer. She didn't think he would ever see that though.

3.

Something had shifted. Maya couldn't pinpoint it exactly, but something was different with her and Miles. It had been a few weeks since he found out that Zig was living with her. They had patched things up since the dance. But it wasn't what it used to be.

Maya feared that Miles could tell there was something going on with her and Zig. They hadn't _actually_ done anything, but there was a tension that made things just as bad. She felt like Miles could _tell_ that she didn't love him the way he loved her; that he could tell she loved Zig.

She wasn't dumb though. She couldn't just leave him. She did love Miles, but he wasn't Zig. She knew that something had changed. Maybe it wasn't something though. Maybe it was some_one_: her.

4.

He said he loved her and she said it back. She sounded like a robot to herself, but she smiled at him. She wanted things to work with him. Miles really was a great guy.

"I don't think you do." His voice was low. Neither mad nor accusatory. It was like it was a fact. Maya blinked.

"Of course I do," she said after a moment. She smiled at him. "I wouldn't say it if I didn't." She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her. He rested his forehead against hers and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"My, you coming?" Zig. Of course Zig would show up right when she needed to bring her life back to order. She tried to stay relaxed, but she knew Miles felt her tense when Zig talked. His grip tightened as she pulled away just enough to look at the other boy.

"I'll be there in a minute," she sighed and pulled herself back into Miles.

"Maya, I really don't think you do." Miles sighed as well. "I don't think-," he paused to take a breath. "I don't think we should be together anymore." His voice was low again. The closest to a whisper he would ever get.

"Why?" She blinked again. She didn't understand what he was doing. She was the good girlfriend. She didn't do anything wrong and she loved him. _Wasn't that enough?_ What more did he _want_?

"I told you. I don't think you love me." He looked so sad as he pulled away from her.

"But I do!" He couldn't walk away from her. She trusted that he wouldn't and she told herself to do the same. She tried to grab his hand, but he pulled away from her.

"No, Maya, you don't. You just think you do." He backed up and she held back tears as she turned away from him. Zig was outside the doors of Degrassi and she had to wonder if maybe she had been lying to herself for so long she began to think it was true. She'd been telling herself she loved Miles for so long that she couldn't find the falsehood in it.

As she looked at Zig standing outside, waiting for her, she realized that she had been denying a lot of things. But no more. She had to stop trying to believe the lies she told herself.

_Just because the Zig/Miles/Maya triangle needs to stop. Also, I think that this is what Maya is going through with the two boys._

_~Tori_


End file.
